


Oblivious

by princiere



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Cute Ending, Fluff, M/M, References to Depression, Sleepy Kisses, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princiere/pseuds/princiere
Summary: Life hasn't been too kind with you, & you assume it'll stay that way.Then Michael changes that.





	Oblivious

**Author's Note:**

> asdhfjf ok so bc of mushie r's latest animatic I have a huge thing for michael again so here we are,, sorry if the ending is a tad anticlimactic
> 
> reader is transmale as per usual

When most people realize they've developed a crush, they tend to become nervous or giddy around their desired person. But, most of all, they become happy with this revelation.

You, on the other hand? You fell into depression. How could your heart betray you like this? Why did this always have to happen to _you_ , of all people?

Crushes are how you managed to lose friends. You don't blame them, but it still hurt each & every time. Why would anyone want to put up with you, let alone date you? The thought made you ache, out of both grief & longing.

So you weren't surprised when you started to feel this ache whilst sitting near your closest friend, Michael Mell. You've had depressive episodes involving him already: was he simply your friend out of pity? Was there some ulterior motive?

But now, it was different. You _loved_ him,  & all your brain could manage to make out of the situation were berates about how he clearly deserves someone better--someone more stable & happy--than you could ever be.

And it hurt. A _lot_. But no one needed to know.

...Except Jeremy, apparently. When did he find out again?

"Why don't you just tell him already?" He whispered to you while Michael--who sat next to you--was caught up in a conversation with Rich. It was lunchtime, which meant that it was easy to keep your conversation with Jeremy under wraps.

"Easier said than done." You scowled to the boy on the other side of you. "It's not like you were any better with Christine."

"I know, but-" Jeremy paused to make sure no one could hear him except you. "At least then you could just- get it off your chest y'know? Trust me, letting it fester is _not_ good. Even if he doesn't like you back, Michael isn't the type of guy that cuts you out of his life after a situation like that. You'll be fine, I promise."

You huffed, shifting around in your seat. "Okay."

"So you'll tell him?"

"I dunno." You shrugged. "I'm not... _good_ , at _confrontation_ , you know that."

"And what are _you two_ whispering about?" Michael cut in, now done with his conversation  & swinging an arm over your shoulders. He was a touchy guy, so these gestures never flustered you as much as they used to anymore, but it still made your heart swell when he showed you any affection. "What secrets are we sharing?"

"Nothing much." Jeremy smirked. "Just talking about the weird layout of your patches."

"It's not weird!" Michael spoke in defense. "I arranged them so that if I come across any more big-ass patches, they'll still have space!"

Suddenly, Michael leaned his head on yours. "You don't think it's weird, do you, _____?"

"I think it looks fine." You barely nodded, scared that Michael would move away if you budged at all. Glancing to Jeremy from your peripheral, you added, "I was just about to tell Jeremy that he should mind his own damn business."

Jeremy's grin widened at your last statement. "Alright, alright, whatever ya say. Wouldn't wanna upset your boyfriend, yea?"

Your stomach would've flipped if given the ability, but your frustration was snuffed out when Michael put his other arm around you, in a side hug. You heard him giggling near your ear, & you couldn't help but smile at this damn boy.

_**Fuck** , he's cute._

"Hey, I'll take that as a compliment!" Michael grinned, moving to look at Jeremy, who sat on the the other side of you. You flushed at the close proximity of your face to his. "He'd treat me right & we all know it!"

"I'm right here..." You muttered, still amused at the whole situation. Michael always knew how to brighten your mood, while also flustering the hell out of you.

Was this good for your health? You couldn't care.

Your comment only made Michael pull you closer, to the point where your head rested between his neck & shoulder. The smell of weed & cologne--Old Spice's _"Timber"_ , you think--invaded your senses, but you weren't complaining. "Not close enough, apparently!" He chuckled. "I'm insulted that everyone thinks we're dating, not _married!_ That's _blasphemous!_ "

Your silent cries of help to the others were of to no avail, as they always took amusement in watching the two of you interact. You were hopelessly in love, _clearly_ , so Michael's naturally touchy behavior was bound to turn you into a _mess._

Not that you had... _too_ much of a problem with that.

Reluctantly, you put your hand to his chest, just barely nudging him. "I still gotta eat, Michael." You excused yourself, but couldn't move away just yet.

"Not until you hug me back." Michael spoke more towards you than the entire table. After some hesitance from your part, he whined, "C'mon, I like your hugs."

With a giggle that finally escaped you, you hugged the boy back & let go after a few long moments. He patted your back, before returning to his food.

You wanted to hug him again, **ASAP.**

×-♡-×

The next day, it seemed as though Michael stepped up his game. Now, when he walked with you to shared classes, he'd take your hand in his, without lacing your fingers with his. You weren't too bothered by it, but you just hoped to any being above that he didn't comment or get grossed out by your clammy hand.

It wasn't until your walk to class after lunch that Michael said anything about his new gesture. "You don't mind that I'm doing this, right?"

You didn't need him to say what he was talking about; your hand was already in his grasp anyway, so you thought the question was a tad redundant. "Not really." You managed a smile, despite your frantic thoughts of what the hell you should say. "You...You make all these gestures feel nice. Like, y-you calm me down if I'm stressed, if that makes any sense."

A small silence, followed by a light chuckle from Michael. "I had a feeling we were in the same boat."

All your worries blurred afterwards. With Michael, you felt... _alright_. He even managed to make your depressive episodes--caused by your interest in the _same goddamn guy_ \--disappear, if only for a little at a time.

The only other reason your depressive episodes went away? Rich was starting to flirt with you, & you knew damn well what his intentions were. His boyfriend was away for family business, & he even told you that he got the okay from Jake to do this, but you were more frustrated that he was doing this in the first place. 

Without asking you, of course, because you were apparently as much of a buzzkill as Jeremy.

Stepping into class, Michael let go of your hand as per usual, but once you sat down Michael didn't get a chance to sit next to you before Rich stole his usual seat. "What the hell, man?" He raised an eyebrow at the red-streaked boy.

"You've been hoggin' _____ all to yourself lately, Mikey, I think it's time you let some of his pals hang with him for a change." He smirked, his lisp still rather prominent as usual. Before you could protest, Rich swung an arm over your shoulders. He was more boney than Michael, so you could practically feel his forearm dig into your shoulder blade, eliciting a wince from you. "Ain't that right, _____?"

You didn't say anything, but you gave the most subtle glare to Rich before looking back to Michael. "Sorry Michael, you know how Rich gets when Jake isn't around for a while."

The moment you saw Michael deflate at this, you wanted so badly to punch Rich right in the gut. "Yea, yea, that's fair. Guess I have been a bit... _clingy_ lately." He clearly faked a chuckle. "I'll be a few seats back, _____, okay?"

You smiled & nodded, & kept the facade until Michael walked away. You then elbowed Rich right in the torso. "Fuck, my nip!" He groaned, scooting away from you. "Geez, you know I'm still tryin' to heal with my new nip piercings, _____!"

Without a word, you focused on your phone, as class hadn't started yet. You heard a grunt of amusement from Rich. In a hushed tone, he asked, "What, you mad that I took you away from your boyfriend?"

"We're not dating." You simply stated, also hushed.

"You sure as hell act like you are." Rich leaned close to you. "Holding hands, huggin' all the damn time- Shit, I won't be surprised if he starts smoochin' on ya saying it's only platonic!"

He laughed as you blushed at the thought. "Can you just stay out of this?" You asked, more calm than you expected.

"Why do you think I'm flirting with you in the first place?" Rich moved to push the power button on your phone, leaning in to hold your arm & lean his head on your shoulder. "It's so Mikey finally gets the balls to tell you he's into you."

"It's not very convincing when everyone knows you've already got a boyfriend, Rich."

"I'm also poly as hell." He smirked again. "Jake isn't, though, but he told me I could pounce you if it meant Mikey will finally do something about his little crush."

"You say that like you know about his-..." In the midst of wiggling yourself out of his grasp, you glanced over to Rich. Now even more hushed, you muttered, "Has...Has he told you guys about a crush?"

" _All the fuckin' time_. It's getting annoying." Rich rolled his eyes at how oblivious you were. "Always talks about you when you're not with him. And I thought he was being pretty clear when he said it'd be a compliment if he was your _boyfriend_."

"You know how this group is, aside from Jeremy." You sighed, frustrated. "I...just thought he was joking around."

"We kid around with the _physical_ stuff, bro." Rich reminded you. "Michael's only been saying this stuff about _you_ , if you haven't noticed."

You fell silent. Thinking back on it, it suddenly became clear, yet your brain made it seem as though this wasn't the case.

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. "It's not like I can tell him, anyway."

Most of the group was aware of what had happened a couple years prior. Hell, most of them were _there_ to witness it, too.

_You'd stopped trying to defend yourself when you were thrown to the ground. "I can't believe the school tranny has the hots for me." The guy said as he circled your writhing body. "Gotta say, that's pretty fuckin' disgusting."_

_As much as you wanted to say something, you didn't want to get kicked in the stomach & risk a hospital visit. Luckily, the group had texted to hang out at the park, with you simply arriving early, so you were sure they'd show up soon._

_You snapped out of your thoughts when he poked you with his foot, as if you were a stray corpse. "Pathetic." He spat, landing on your cheek. "Can't even defend yourself, huh? Too much of a pussy? Well, I guess it matches you, so it's pretty fitting."_

_A silent, cold tear fell from your face to the pavement below, & he noticed. "You crying? **Good**."_

_" **Get the fuck away from him!** "_

_You didn't bother to look to recognize Rich's voice, screaming in anger as he tackled the guy. Jake & Christine worked to settle down the two, while Jeremy & Michael rushed to your side. "Oh my god, _____, are you okay?!" Michael helped you sit up. Smearing the spit off your face, you weren't surprised when you spotted blood on your clothes now, too._

_"Here, get outta that." Jeremy moreso instructed than requested. With some help, due to your aching body, you slipped off your jacket, & immediately felt another engulf your body._

_Michael's jacket._

_By now, the others made the asshole go away, turning their attention to you. "Was that the guy you were-?" Jake didn't get to finish his question before you nodded vigorously, unable to stop the crying this time._

_"Tch." Rich scoffed. " **Asshole**. He doesn't deserve the light of day."_

_Michael enveloped you into a tight hug, while Christine knelt down to rub your back. Your sobbing only grew worse, but Michael gently hushed you. "It's okay, you're safe now." He told you quietly. "We'll never let this happen again."_

_In an even more hushed voice, Michael breathed, "I'm so sorry, _____."_

It took you a while to get back into the swing of things, but the group knew that you struggled with these kinds of emotions, & for good reason. Rich sighed, knowing full well that certain look in your eyes when you would think back on something. "Hey, listen to me." He squeezed your shoulder. "Whatever happens, Mikey isn't-"

"The kind of guy that wants to hurt me. Yea, I got the whole speech from Jeremy too." You cut him off. "Can you blame me for being so hesitant, though?"

"'Course not, none of us do," Rich leaned closer, now smirking again, "which is why we're making Mells do it. He's got no excuse, except for being a shy li'l shit."

You elbowed him again, aiming straight for his nipple.

×-♡-×

The drive to Michael's place was...quiet, to say the least. He was still rather hung up about what Rich said, meaning he had barely even touched you at all since that encounter. As usual, however, you were never good at handling situations on your own, so it wasn't until the two of you were alone in his car before you could say anything.

"Uhm," You coughed into your fist, glancing to the boy at the steering wheel, "I don't mind if you're... _clingy_ , with me. If it helps with anxiety & all that, then...yea."

Once at a stoplight, Michael hesitated before he held out his hand. With little to no hesitation on your part this time, you took hold of his hand, noticing the tension in him disappear in an instant. He sighed. "I-...Thanks." Michael managed a weak chuckle. "I, uhm, didn't exactly realize how...dependent- I was getting, until Rich made me sit elsewhere."

"I wouldn't say you're dependent." You commented. "You're a very caring person, Michael. You're just...lookin' out, y'know?"

A few moments, & you felt a squeeze at your hand as the light turned green. Instead of feeling nervous this time, you felt content, as though this felt _right._

You squeezed back.

It wasn't long before you arrived at Michael's house. Given that Jeremy was dating Christine now, he didn't have as much time as before to hang out with Michael, so you became his player two. As soon as you stepped out of the car, Michael took you by the hand & led you inside, despite your countless visits prior. Regardless, you allowed him to take the lead as he headed downstairs with you in tow.

"My moms won't be back until later tonight." Michael mentioned. "Working late. Is there...anything specific you wanted to do?"

Reluctantly, you took your hand back & set your bag down, squatting to check out Michael's array of games. "Hm..." You pondered. "I like Portal 2's co-op mode. How about that?"

"Sounds fun." Michael nodded. "Go ahead & get it set up, I'm gonna go grab some drinks & snacks."

Knowing the two of you, you'd forget to eat if Michael didn't grab snacks before every hangout session. You were simply just so caught up in Michael Mell himself that basic needs would temporarily become an option.

But, you took care of yourself in the end. For him.

With the setup complete, you plopped down in a beanbag & took the next couple minutes to check your phone. Unsurprisingly, there were messages from Jeremy & Rich.

 **Jeremy** \- _you confess yet?_

You typed out a quick message.

 **_____** \- _nah_

Now for Rich's message...well, message **s**.

 **Rich** \- _hey u 2 bang yet??_  
         - _lemme know when_  
         - _so I can judge his hickey givin skillz B))_

 **_____** \- _you say that as if you're a pro_

 **Rich** \- _hell yea dude!!_  
         - _hickey givin master here_  
         - _got a phd & everything_  
         - _anyway good luck and remember to breathe through ur nose when suckin dick_

 _God_ , you were never going to figure out if Rich would fit more in the chaotic good or chaotic neutral section of a moral graph.

...Probably chaotic evil.

You put your phone away at the sound of footsteps heading downstairs. Michael was finally back, with a giant bowl of popcorn & some sodas to boot. "By the way, we are _not_ looking up help for any of these puzzles." He emphasized.

"Alright, alright." You giggled, taking your controller. "You wanna be the ball or the beanstalk?"

"They have _names_. Show some respect to our future overlords." Michael teased.

"Okay, so I'm gonna be the ball guy."

" _Nooo_ , I wanna be the ball guy!" Michael whined. "Pwease wet me be the ball wobot, _____, I pwomise, I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" You smirked.

"Yes! Anything!" Michael leaned over onto your beanbag, his legs still on the other seat. "Anything your wittle heart desires!"

You couldn't stop your giggling at how silly Michael could be. "God dammit, Mikey, get back in your own seat! These things aren't big enough for two people!"

Michael looked to you & raised a coy eyebrow. "Wanna bet?"

Squinting, you spoke, "What in the fuck is your perverted little boy brain thinking of, now?"

"I am _not_ perverted!" He retorted, getting up. "Anyway, try to sit on the very back on the beanbag."

After some adjusting, you were now seated at the back of the beanbag, which was essentially like sitting on the back part of a chair. Then, Michael moved & sat himself down right between your legs, his shoulders pressing to your inner thighs & his head resting against your stomach. "This alright?" He asked you.

Your face flushed hot & a cold sweat enveloped your body. Was this...really happening? "Y-Yea, I'm good, this is...this is nice." You fell to a mutter, somehow blushing harder as Michael giggled at your embarrassment.

"Y'know, you're cute when you're embarrassed." He commented almost nonchalantly as he grabbed the controllers, hanging you yours. "No need to be, though. I just...thought it'd be comfortable."

"A-And it is!" You stammered, leaning forward so your hands rested on Michael's chest while your arms hugged the sides of his head. "I promise, it's nice."

_Oh god, his hair smells good. Is that creepy? That's creepy, what the **hell** are you-_

Michael's bubbly laughter brought you back to reality. "If you say so." He looked up to you & smiled, & you swore you could've kissed him then & there.

But you didn't. You had every goddamn right to do so--the signs were clear as can be--but you just... _couldn't._

You couldn't do it.

×-♡-×

Glancing to the clock, it read 3:26 AM. You & Michael were sat up in his bed, watching a movie that he had downloaded on his laptop to stream to the TV. It took a while before you noticed that he seemed...anxious.

"Michael, what's up?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm about 5 seconds away from passing out cold but you seem antsy. What's up?" You slurred a bit, leaning on the boy's shoulder. "You can talk to me. I'm not good with advice but I can keep secrets."

Michael remained quiet, hesitantly leaning his head on yours after a few moments. "I just..." He started, presumably collecting his thoughts. "Can I ask you something? Promise you won't get mad."

"I don't think I have the energy to get mad." You giggled against his arm. "I can't get mad at you, anyway. Shoot."

"I, uhm...was wondering..." Michael struggled to pull himself together, the movie now long forgotten. "Do you...have feelings for anyone?"

You lazily nodded. "It ain't Rich, if that's who you're gonna ask about." You muttered.

Michael tensed when you wrapped your arms around his. He relaxed after a few seconds. "Uh...Can I ask who it is?" He inquired.

"I thought it was pretty clear." You admitted, squeezing his arm. The logical part in you was screaming & begging for you to just _shut your goddamn mouth_ , but your inhibitions were long gone by now. "You're the only one I let get all touchy with me to such a degree."

Michael nervously giggled at your confession. "S-So it's me, huh?"

You tried your damn hardest to stay awake, & nodded again. "Don't be mad..." You breathed.

"How could I be?" Michael shifted a bit. "I- Ehm...I feel like I've been pretty clear about my feelings lately, too."

"I know." You giggled, moving to sit yourself up. "I hope you'll keep being clingy when we start dating."

"Oh _god_ , yes." Michael swung his head back in laughter. "Tenfold, if you don't mind."

"I'd like that." You smiled. 

Michael let out a sigh of relief. "I just...I dunno, I think I started feeling like this a bit after that whole shitshow from a couple years ago. You...You deserve _so_ much better, _____. I've seen the crap you have to go through,  & it hurts each & every time because I just wanna...I just wanna _protect_ you from all that. Heh...God, I'm rambling, sor-"

"You mind if I do something?"

"That's really vague." Michael laughed. "But sure, I trust you."

With that, you swung your leg over so that you were seated on Michael's lap. He seemed clearly shocked at the gesture, but you were too tired for anxiety to affect you in the slightest. Wrapping your arms around the back of his neck, you gave a small kiss to his cheek. You felt his face grow warm, but he didn't object to any of your advances.

As your fingers toyed with his hair, you smiled, "Is this alright?"

"It's _more_ than alright." Michael let out a weak chuckle, almost as if he was rendered breathless already. "Uhm...Are you gonna-...?"

You saw his chocolate eyes flicker to your lips for a split moment. Smiling again, you whispered, "Only if you want me to."

" _Please._ "

You didn't need to be told twice. Gently cupping his face, you slowly leaned in & ghosted your lips over his, for just a moment. Michael moved his hands to the small of your back, pressing your body to his. Finally, you pressed your lips to his, & it suddenly felt as though everything felt _right_. The stars  & planets were aligned, fireworks were exploding in your brain, & all you could focus on was how _soft_ Michael felt.

Pulling away only slightly, you breathed, "This has _gotta_ be a dream..."

Michael emitted an equally quiet chuckle. "I promise it's not. Let me prove it."

Taking your hand & lacing your fingers with his, Michael leaned in this time to close the space between you. For a moment, you felt your anxiety pool in your stomach, but it soon faded when Michael pressed himself closer, only deepening the kiss. Your eyes were watering, & a hot tear fell down your cheek, but neither of you said a word.

Everything was alright. You knew now you were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> ♡v♡b god I'm gay for this boy


End file.
